Hello Simon (Doonan,)

How’s it going? Wow I’m so excited! You are my new fictional mentor. I hope you’re as excited as me. I just watched like every video of you on the internet. Going through the last 1/5 of Eccentric Glamour, savoring every sentence. However, I know that I should toss that book out the window (just figuratively, I can’t really toss out Walt’s kindle) when I’m done and brave my own journey of style and self expression.

I can’t deny that perhaps 99% of information that I feed myself is from mainstream media. I listen to pop songs, go to pop movies, visit pop websites, wear pop clothes…there’s no denying that I am a child of mass media. And I’m ready to accept and love such a self. I’m not going to run out and rent art house movies, shoot photos in black and white or do figure drawings in char goal. Yes I am inspired by Kesha, Timbaland and Black Eyed Peas, and I draw with color markers from images I get from the internet and magazines. I hang out on Facebook way too much. I am in love with my own blog. I am in love with colorful stockings. Yes yes yes I am in love with every part of who I am, and I am always going to remind myself this even when at times I don’t feel at all like this!

Hello Simon, goodbye Julian.

Is this for real? Yes, because I believe in infantile. And I’m changing. You see, the Bonny who devoted the blog to Julian Schnabel is no longer me. I mean, I love her, but I’m someone different now. I’d like to devote the blog to Simon Doonan now. When I read his book, it’s like we’re having a heart to heart conversation. That’s right, Julian, with you I never had a conversation, it was always me to you. We are over, Julian. You and me is no longer. It is me and Simon now. Goodbye Julian, I hope you’re well in the Pallazo. I’m still in love with my pink room, you inspired me so much, I loved you but now I’m trotting down the street to Simon and John’s apartment in Greenwich Village.

Hello Simon (Doonan,) let’s drink to our new friendship, oh, but, this is herbal tea. Really good herbal tea!

Hey Julian (Schnabel,)

How’s it going? I’ve been feeling pretty weird. I feel like things are going down in a weird way, especially me. I mean, I’m just so focused on having fun right now and not really getting anything serious done. Slowly running out of X’mas money, taking a shit ton of classes: pottery, improv, Muay Thai, Cardio, BJJ, dance a lot, draw a lot, go to bed really late, wake up really late, hang out on Facebook a lot, procrastinating on everything else. I had a great party for my 26th birthday though, I danced 3 hours straight with only a couple of water breaks. All the happiest moments I can recall recently have been either drawing, dancing or punching, when I just forget about life. It was funny because I swore that I was either going to get drunk or get high on my bday, but I was so worried that if I get into either state I wouldn’t be able to dance! I know for most people it’s the opposite, they need substances to dance, I don’t. Most of the time I’m in a hyper state,  more power to me!

I’ve been checking out a lot of interviews of people who produced things that I really like. That includes Simon Doonan (Jeez Simon you really changed my life,) Pink, Kesha, Liam Lynch etc. And I realized that they are all pop icons, especially Simon, who says that he is “deeply superficial.” That sounds really deep, Simon, because I know all things superficial stem from something so deep inside. Everything deep sounding is superficial. There is a sick divide between what’s deep and what’s superficial. There’s only people who look at the superficial and people who look deep down.

I have a feeling that this is a time I figure out who I am. Without this step I won’t go anywhere, and it is important how it goes down, and I just need to let it, and not judge it, and see what happens. I just need to accept myself completely. But at the same time I’m so concerned about keeping schedule and producing useful things, be a good citizen, not be lazy…etc. Gosh I really don’t know how to do this. I need to shake these things off. If I don’t listen to others, I have to listen to myself. But it sounds so fuzzy inside. I can’t make out which noise to pick out.

And this damn grad school deal. *Sigh*

Dear Julian (Schnabel,)

Don’t don’t ever be the slave of taste. It is so last century!

Hey Julian (Schnabel,)

Do you know what I’m doing now? Do you want to know what I’m doing now? I’m having a headache and coughing like an old hag. I can’t stop checking out all the videos and stuff about New York Fashion Week.  Of course, read Eccentric Glamorous by Simon Doonan and am hugely inspired. No, may I say, transformed!

So what is this? Thinking for myself is like dope. I feel like I’m back to being 17. What am I doing? Just listen to the experts who know best! Just work and earn some money! No no no! No one knows best! I will never ever know unless I think for myself, make decisions for myself, and experience things for myself!

So, what’s this with Simon Doonan? Don’t worry Julian, I’m not gonna just go and now devote my whole blog to him, although it did cross my mind. I bet that he’d read it too, unlike you. But I don’t know, maybe you read it. Who cares. As long as I feel happy writing and I read it. Anyways, I just feel like I AM my own art work, because, if my works are all about me, and I in fact am boring, not myself, trying to do the right thing, uncool and plain ordinary, then that’s what my works are going to be! If I think lame, act lame, live lame, hello, my art is going to be lame, no question about it! About the dressing up, one of the things that surprised me was that once I dress up to express myself, suddenly it is really reaffirming of who I am, and uh oh, I can’t take it back, I can’t wear color striped stockings and tell people I actually would rather hide behind the pole. Then, thank you, whatever look and comment, I will thank you, and most of all thank myself because you can keep what you think and I am going to keep being my fabulous self!!! I feel so courageous.

So, let me get back to the Wonderland of a Girl’s Dream World, what is this world about? It is about girls liking boys, dancing, daydreaming, the time between waking up and actually getting out of bed, masturbation, the jumbled words that girls make when they have sex, muscle and sweat, floating clouds of color, very good pancakes, honey…and so on.

It is becoming clearer and clearer to me.

"Let Me Walk," 10.6" x 13.8", color markers on paper

"Oh, Oh, Oh," 10.6" x 13.8", color markers on paper

"I Kept It Inside So You Would Never Know," 10.6" x 13.8", color markers on paper

Dear Julian (schnabel,)

If there’s only one album that I can put into my casket when I’m cremated, Jay Chou would be my choice. I JUST LOVE THIS GUY!!

Dear Julian (SChnabel,)

How’s it going!!!??? I absolutely have too much energy for things that are not “constructive” at all! That is, drawing my own marker doodles, playing with things in my wardrobe, designing shoes and ties, updating my blog…you know, my own stuff, not putting food on the table for anyone, much less myself, but oh well. God will feed me somehow I’m sure…while I’m having all the fun!

Anyways, couple of things I discovered for the past couple of days. First off, I noticed that I just have an incredible amount of energy, and that I haven’t been sick for an entire year. Not even a cold. I kept thinking that I was going to get something eventually, especially when everyone around me has been sick, remember the H1N1 season? Not me. Of course there’s a slight headache or sneeze on some days, but they quickly go away after a good night’s sleep. That’s right, I sleep too well! What’s more, I discovered that if I make art, the act of making art feeds energy back to me, that’s right, totally defying the laws of physics, but if I make art all the time, I presumably will have an infinite amount of energy! Nothing else does that for me. I already know I love making art, but to have it proved in such physical way is still something amazing.

Secondly, I have become more and more interested in how to dress myself. I used to just wear the three sweat shirts of mine til they are absolute shreds, but now I love to fumble around my wardrobe and creating “styles” out of the things that I have. This guy, Simon Doonan, is totally cool, and I agree with everything he says.

I have now a collection of stockings that I really like, and they just add to pretty much anything I wear, unless I wear something that cover them up. Simon is right, fashion is a way to express ourselves, not buying expensive branded things that someone else dictates. Here are a couple of my outfits in recent years.

Me With Apple Tie in front of the marker drawings

Me in Kendo Gear!

Me with frilly wool sweater in front of an abstract painting

Me with Farmer's Hat in Taiwan

More to come for sure! Nothing feels better than to be exactly who I am. Now, I just need to learn how to say exactly what I want to say…

Hello Julian (Schnabel,)

I like how I am in what I created. I am in the world that was originally in me. Fascinating.

Me in the Wonderland of a Girl's Dream World

Hello Julian (Schnabel,)

How did you feel when during the time you were huge in the art world? Were you afraid that the time when this crown is taken away from you would be tomorrow?

Wake up and make things I like. This will be how I’ll start my everyday. So this way, even at the end of today I die, I’ll die happy. But of course I’ll also miss mom and be quite sad about that.

Markers! Save me!

I talked with Keith Boadwee from CCA last night. ‘Twas good. I await my future, ’tis fate!

Hello Julian (Schnabel,)

Happy New Year! Happy valentine’s day! I hope you had a good weekend, I sure did. I ate hella lot and partied hella lot. Though didn’t do much today, I feel pretty tired from all the actions during the weekend. However, during this past week I’ve also been working a lot on the girls’ dream world drawings. Working with colored markers is one of the best experience I ever had with a medium. It feels just like kindergarten! Because of its look and my experience with them, the markers completely free me of huge ideas and expectations and all outward bullshit. I’ve been doodling like a child for the past couple of days, and it’s never been easier or more enjoyable. Long Live Mr. Sketch! I will update the four main drawings when I’m done with the fourth one.