Do you have people in your life who are so skilled at something it’s almost god-like? I’m very lucky to have a few people in my life who are so good at what they do just thinking of them helps me get up every morning and work on stuff. Their skills are god level in areas such as design, martial arts and dance and I secretly worship them.
There is a little altar in the cave of my heart where I put up the names of those god-like people and surround them with a thousand candles. I visit this place everyday hoping that one day I may be half as good as they are in their fields before I humbly go off to practice. I’m not so sure if worshipping them is the right thing to do, especially if they’re still alive. When god-like people are present, I tend to look down, stutter, and mess up whatever I’m doing. When I was working with a god-like designer, I messed up so often and got so stressed out eventually I quit.
“You’re the best designer I’ver ever worked with, but I have to go.” I said in a teary melt down.
She was so confused, but she still took me out to lunch on my last day.
A common theme among god-like people is that they started practicing whatever they’re so good at when they’re little. While I worship their achievements, I also need to tell myself that they’re just humans who have put in a lot of time on their craft. I may feel humbled by their achievements, but there’s no need to compare, hurry or frustrate myself on a particular skill.
I’ll just put in 10 years. And another 10. And another 10.
Maybe someday I’d also be a god-like person in someone’s mind. Maybe after the third 10.
I’ve heard of Spoonflower for printing your own fabric for a couple of years now, and finally gave it a try last week. I must say I was very happy with the result! There’s nothing like holding a nicely finished product with your own design on it.
I prepared my file in a 300 dpi PNG with transparant background. The file size was pretty big, but I managed to squeeze it under 40mb, which is the upload limit of Spoonflower.
Spoonflower has a pretty intuitive design application that helps you see how the design is going to be laid out on the fabric. I know nothing about fabric or fashion design, and it was pretty easy for me to use. There are a couple of different choices for repeating the design on the fabric, such as centered, basic repeat, half-drop, half-brick and mirror repeat. The different fabric and yardage choices have prices marked beside them which is very handy for “price control” while you’re designing.
It took me a couple of uploads to get my file looking exactly the way I wanted before I checked out. After about a week or so I got this really nice fabric with my own design in my hands! The fabric feels very soft, doesn’t smell weird, and the print quality was excellent.
I had the idea of designing my own fabric because my mom has been taking quilted handbag classes and I thought it’d be a nice birthday present if she can make a bag with my design on it. Working with Spoonflower was a very nice experience and I’d definitely do it again. Maybe expect my upcoming fabric line? :)
It’s a part of life that we feel down sometimes. Maybe it’s because of something that happened at work, in school or in a relationship. Sometimes we can feel very down for a very long time, and during that time everything can seem so dark, and we forget that we’re ever loved or cared about by anyone.
But that is not true. No matter how bad you feel for how long, there are people who love you and are thinking of you. Maybe you haven’t talked to them for a while. Maybe you think no one would ever want to talk to you ever again. That is also not true. It is not easy, but all you need to do during times like this is to reach out to someone. Â Call, email, chat, text, write a letter, join an online forum, whatever you can manage. Anything is better than that one thing you want to do–killing yourself.
Today is my cousin’s 22nd birthday, if she’s still around. She also called herself Bonny because she thought I was cool and she even went to the same high school that I went to. We used to debate about the meaning of life and other philosophical questions during sleepovers. But the other Bonny decided last summer that there’s no other way out other than jumping from the 16th floor of her apartment building.
I cannot imagine the kind of darkness that she was going through, but she cannot image the kind of hurt that she has left our entire family. I’m glad that she’s no longer in pain, but all of us who love her are experiencing the following with a different mixture and degree: guilt, shame, sadness, blame, shock, confusion, regret and many other kinds of emotions that cannot be expressed with words. Only the living has to deal with these. Please know that if you commit suicide, this is what will happen to everyone who loves you, especially your family.
For us, there’s no background music, no doves flying across the sky, no misty water drops on daisies. It’s just kind of shitty, kind of dim, for a long time.
So if you feel like there’s no hope, remember that there’s someone out there who loves you and would love to hear from you, and tell you that he/she also had a hard time too that one year. And if you’re feeling alright, don’t forget to check up on someone who might be going through some tough time. Drop them a letter, text, email, whatever works.
That’s what I wish I had done.