Today I happened to be sorting through some old sketch books and found this gem hidden in one of my first sketch books when I began college. It was summer 2003 when I was taking summer courses between my freshman and sophomore year. During that year I experimented with a variety of different diets and at the time of the above “drawing” my diet consisted largely of bananas, honey, sprouts and nuts.
I had stomach aches a lot at that time. It was probably done when I was having a stomach ache. Now I think about it, the stomach aches perhaps were not from the bananas, most likely they were from stress.
Fast forward 8 years to this past couple of months. Something similar came up.
Yes, I’ve been experimenting with mental diet. Swami, meditation, the Tao, the Secret, the Hero’s Journey, After the Honey Moon, the Mother Fucker’s Deep End, what have you. At some point, we need to put down the books, shove away the masters and teachers, cover the mouths of friends and families and just trust ourselves.
“I feel so bad because I can’t trust myself. That’s why I need the books, the audio tapes, the workshops, the healing sessions.” At one point that’s how I felt. But I slowly realized that nobody knows any shit about what life is about. They particularly don’t know what MY life is about. That is for ME to figure out.
But I can’t figure it out and I’m just as confused as when I was born. There is no answer to any of life’s big questions and there will only be more and more of them. It’s like swimming laps in a pool while there are more and more beach balls being thrown at you in your aisle.Â Some hit you in the head and make you choke, some just floating on the side.
“Why are they throwing these beach balls at me?” “Why do they look this color and this shape?” “Why do I have this many and that guy doesn’t have quite as many?” No matter what, it is important to wade through all the balls. Push them aside, keep swimming forward. It’s okay not to know why and how the beach balls get in your face. Although sometimes I really want to just drown, just fall down to the bottom. But for some reason, I have a built-in floatation device, perhaps my mother gave me, or dare I say, God, that helps me float when I’m drowning.
That’s right, that’s where I’m at now. I’m floating by the built-in floatation device. It feels so effortless yet so dangerous. Can I really not swim so hard and be okay? I don’t need to learn new techniques to get rid of the beach balls in my aisle. I would just float forward and when the balls hit me, my head will be like a ice breaker ship that would part a way for me to float through.
It must be this way.
I’m so happy to start working on new images again yay! If you’re reading this, I want you to know that I love you and I’m so lucky to have you here.
This new image Ave Maria was a really bizarre dream of mine with a slight bit of religious coloring. Do you believe in god? I kinda do in a higher power sorta sense, not particularly in any organized religion. I feel that all the metaphorsÂ from major religions are there to help us understand something we otherwise would not be able to comprehend at all.
What would you do if you have another career choice? Me, I would be an exorcist :)
This is the 10th day of my 30 days challenge of a drawing a day. Matt Cutts was right, I really member these 10 days a lot more vividly than if I didn’t do these drawings. It’s a bit obvious though that I remember the days better because I’m leaving some visual documentation for it. But I guess that’s the whole point–leaving something for the days that otherwise just fly by without a trace anyways. If so, would leaving 30 days of trash also make my days more memorable? I’m guessing yes. This idea sounds even more interesting than 30 days of drawings because we produce so much trash everydayÂ unconsciously that by documenting just one piece of trash everyday would be raising awareness of our habits. This, however, will be for next month!
Okay, I’ve been waiting for this question and you finally asked. Why do these drawings look like they are done by a 10- year-old? Here’s my answer. Because I AM a 10-year-old.
These drawings took no time, no thinking, no deliberation, no expectation, no philosophy, no clients paying for it, nobody’s going to buy it, I don’t care who’s going to see it, nobody’s going to judge me for it, although you might be judging me for it, but that’s alright. They are a direct reflection of my mental state, and for better or worse, it is like a 10-year-old’s.
(and I turn my head to see the pile of letters from insurance companies…)
This is my idea for the next screen print.
I’m sure that you all have friends or families who are going through relationship troubles at any moment. In fact, you might even be in relationship troubles yourself. I’m not currently in trouble *chuckle-knock on wood* but I have many times in the past and it is a pain in the…heart…and something that is a perpetual human mystery everyone is trying to solve.
I dont’ know how to define real love which incorporates so many aspects, Â but certainly there are things that we all know is not real love. Now wouldn’t it be great if you can identify them when they come your way? They are not all bad, they just need to be in their place. For example, I don’t think obsession is real love. Niether is dependence. However, you can turn your energy fromÂ obsessionÂ into say, writing a song, and turn your dependence into a spiritual quest. Then they all become something beautiful.
Then maybe it will be a bit easier to identify/find/create what is real love for you. (okay no Dr. Phil here…^_^)
I’m having some stomach issues. Here are some sketches of awesomeness to come. ==crawling back to bed==
I feel much better today. Music, Imagination, Dance, Food, Sex, Movie, Work, BART, Imagination, Walk, See, Facebook, Imagination, Massage. They all helped. If you have read the previous post, my future fans, don’t worry, I’m alright. Yes do you know what nick name I got when I was in middle school? Roach. Yes. I have another 280 million years to go, I only got through 27.
Here is a dream that I never got to do. It was way too awesome to put down on paper, in a way. The meaning is so deep I must have been some kind of channel of something else. I especially like the phrase “We are going to be re-educated.”
Giant alien ship hovering above our heads. We were on the roof of a very tall building. We’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. Someone, come and save us. Come and relieve us of our ignorance. Come and deliver us from our pain. We are going to be re-educated.
Woohoo! Finally completed sketching and inking, phew! It was hella fun and it’s going to be really awesome! By the way the sketches were done with the company of music by bands such as Phoenix and September and…Phoenix. “Where would you go, where would you go with a lasso?”
So…pretty literal yes. That’s what it is. The world, you know what I mean?
I usually post sketches first, but this one got completed before I could get them sketches up! Here’s is a “behind the scenes” moment for you.
Oh my, it’s been weeks since I started working on this piece. I wanted this piece to be super detail oriented like I have forever to work on it. Indeed it took forever ;p
Here are some sketches. Stay tuned this weekend. It is going to look great.