I Feel, Therefore I Am


This is Rene Descartes, the guy who said “I think, therefore I am.” Well, Mr. Descartes, I wish thinking is all I ever am. I wish I’m always calm, think with my brain, and do the right thing. I try so hard but I know I’m a lot more than that.

I used to belong to a improv theater troupe. It’s been about a year, or maybe a year and a half since I did any theater. Now I realize, the stage is perhaps the safest place for all human emotions.

What did I do on stage? I shouted, I sang, I flirted, I cursed, I cried, I laughed, I got angry, I got sad, I got excited, I got silly. I ┬átalked loudly and projected my voice well, so I often lead the opening scene. I broke down many times in front of my troupe mates, and I saw them break down too. It’s all okay. We stored all our emotions in a magic bag, releasing them when the right moment arrived. Emotions were precious, it’s the money we had and we used that to make drama.

I really miss that. Now all I do is trying to think the right thing, say the right thing and do the right thing. And even that, I get yelled at.

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