For the Rest of My Life (Not)

coughing and crying in the middle of the night

coughing and crying in the middle of the night

Dear Fans,

I hope you all are staying warm and healthy through this winter time. I finally got over a bad cold/flu that lasted for about 2 weeks. The cold symtoms was there for only a couple of days, but the coughing, especially at night, was what prolonged the sickness since I couldn’t sleep and had a hard time restoring my body from the illness.

During the nights when the coughing was really bad, I’d sit up from my bed, cough and cry at the same time because of exhaustion and frustration. It was clear that I was just having a flu that needed to run its course and will go away eventually. But there was this nagging and annoying voice inside me,

“I’m going to cough for the rest of my life!”

This voice comes out basically whenever I’m having any kind of pain or suffering, however temporary it may be. “I’m going to be in a squat for the rest of my life!” “I’m going to have _______(insert body part) pain for the rest of my life!” “I’m going to have this trouble for the rest of my life!”

So far, I have been able to get through 99.99% of the bad things I thought I was going to endure for the rest of my life. And strangely,┬áthe voice never really says “I’m going to be so happy and loved for the rest of my life!” when I blow out birthday candles, receive Christmas presents or, ahem, have an orgasm.

There may be some sort of anthropological or psychological explanation of why my mind would play such a trick to make myself feel more miserable in times of pain. However, next time when it happens, I will think of all the things that I’m NOT going to suffer for the rest of my life, and the things that I’m most likely to have, like loving people, good food, my silkscreen kit, my fingers, ninja training courses, the ability to read and write in both English and Chinese (at the same time), the ability to read music and play it on the piano, and my mom, for the rest of my life.

(Yes my mom is going to live forever.)

Do you ever have moments that you think you’re going to endure some trouble for the rest of your life? How do you deal with it?

 

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