Recently, maybe in the past few months or so, because of changing situations in different areas of my life, I’ve been feeling a great deal of loneliness. I have never really lived by myself in my entire life, and almost all the time, there’s someone at my side. But still, I felt this slight sense of sadness, like I am on a tiny island. I think this is the so-called loneliness, although I’m almost never alone. It’s a strange thing.
Each of us was born with ourselves and will die with ourselves. At the end of the day, as we leave this world, no matter how much we love someone or something, we are leaving alone. So I think there’s an inherent sense of loneliness in everyone no matter how outgoing and popular you might be, or how many friends and family you have. When I experience a strong sense of connection to the world, this sense of loneliness recedes and I feel happy. But when I cannot relate to the people and environment around me, it comes out shrouding me like smog, like someone had released the valve that contains the most raw and primal fear in human beings.
I hate it. It feels so sweaty, dark, and sluggish. I’m doing my best to fight against it. It will take some time, but I’m working on it.